Tuesday, November 16, 2010


I have been trying for days to thank you all for the hundreds of personal emails, cards, and messages on my blog, Facebook and Twitter. When I posted about our tragedy I had no idea of the impact it would have on so many around the world. Yes, around the world! How this happened I’m still not sure, but I think cyberspace had some part in the speed the news traveled and multiplied. We have been so comforted, not only by your love and prayers, but by the fact that many of you reached out in your own pain. I now believe there is hardly anyone that is not directly affected by addiction. Doesn’t the word addiction seem like such a mild word compared to the torment, torture and suffering that it produces? I told a new “friend” that it’s like I was inducted into a club that I did not want to be in, but was sure glad I wasn’t the only member.

I apologize if I sent you a Facebook invite to Jon’s memorial. I’ve warned you many a time that I’m not the sharpest tack with my computer capabilities. Actually I’ve never done most things I’m doing these last several days. But for any of you not following me or Jennifer on Facebook there is a memorial service for Jonathan as follows:

We would like to invite you as we honor and celebrate the life of our son, our brother and our friend Jon.

Saturday, November 20 · 11:00am - 2:00pm at
 Grace Community Church in Noblesville, IN 
5504 East 146th Street
Noblesville, IN

11:00-12:00 Memorial Service
12:00-2:00 Friends and Family Gathering
light hors d'oeuvres
 In lieu of flowers, the family asks that donations be made in honor of Jon to Central City Concern. Tax deductible donations may be made via mail or online.

Central City Concern
232 NW 6th Ave
Portland, OR 97209
Tax ID #93-0728816

I do want to share some miracle slides that we just unearthed in the bottom of a box. Even though I was married when I had Jonathan, I was truly a single mom with no family. But I had friends and lots of them. Someone came to the hospital when Jonathan was born and took slides through the window as they were cleaning him up and came back a couple more times at the hospital, then gave them to me. I never had a way to view them. Tim went out and bought this handy dandy film scanner the other night that instantly turns a slide into a digital image. How interesting that at Jon’s death I finally am viewing his birth? For that I am truly thankful. He was pretty darn cute once he got cleaned up (I think I probably expressed those same sentiments to him at various phases of his life).

Lord help me!
Jonathan also had some amazing friends out in Portland who loved him well as they all tried to stay clean and sober together. Many of them have reached out to me and we are now bonded through our loss. They had a memorial for him this last Sunday and are sending me photos and letters and words of their own journey through addiction and their love for my boy.

Thank you again for your love and concern, your words of encouragement and virtual hugs. Please say an extra prayer for Tim and me to have strength on Saturday as we have decided to give the eulogy. Much love back to you!


  1. How wonderful to find these treasures in the midst of all the pain. I continue to send much love across the miles, my sweet friend.

  2. Such a beautiful baby (and mommy)!! I love you Paula and am still praying for you. I know this is a hard week and I hate to know you are going through this. What a blessing to receive support from unexpected places (and to have these sweet pictures finally).

  3. Paula, you are so strong through all of this - such an inspiration! Love the slides of new baby Jonathan, what a treasure for you, Tim and Jennifer. Best wishes this weekend for strength, remembrance and happy thoughts.

  4. sweet Paula. thank YOU for sharing these photos with the world. he was and is truly a gift from the Lord. how special for you to have these now. my prayers for your whole family- (btw;i had the pleasure of meeting your cute-as-a-button daughter when i attended stacy quesbarth's stella and dot party this past summer...she's pretty amazing~as was her brother i'm sure!)

  5. I love you Paula - you are in my heart and my prayers. xoxo

  6. Still thinking of you, to see those photos is so touching. I hope the memorial gives you some comfort and a sense of peace

    keeping you in my prayers

  7. Paula, If you ever need an ear, I am here. I mean that from the bottom of my heart. xoxox Jennifer

  8. Thank you! See there I go again with the thank you's.

    To Jennifer, I clicked on your name/profile to thank you personally and it isn't available.

  9. The pictures are so beautiful, but hard to see through my tears. So many of us care and can relate to this tragedy. I hope time will allow you to keep the good memories where you can find them easily.

  10. Hi there I am one of many single moms and I find your site very interesting. I hope I have much time each day to drop by and check your site for recent post.

  11. I wanted to send sympathy and prayers your way. As cheesy as it sounds, your fabrics make me happy, and I've made many a baby quilt out of flights of fancy. We are doing a big charity quilting event this weekend, I'll plan to make one more out of some of my favorite fabric of yours, and donate it along with the rest in honor of your son. God bless. Kate

  12. Thank you for sharing these slides. They truly are wonderful.

  13. All my love to you Paula! You are a strong and wonderful woman and I admire and respect you greatly. I know that you and yours are having a very difficult time right now, but know that all of us are here are standing behind you, if not in person, in spirit. You have always encouraged and been kind to me, and I love you.

  14. I am touched by your strong will and your positive outlook, our prayers will be with you for the eulogy. My brother has changed due to drugs, but hopefully is slowly getting better. It is so hard to watch. Love to you at this time.

  15. Hi Paula, I've had this nagging sensation last couple of days to find some of your fabrics I had seen last summer (thats how slow some of my craft projects have gone...) You've just "popped" up in my head and couldn't get the thought out of my mind. When I saw your recent posts I knew why... can relate so much to your loss. Sending you all the love, care and comfort I can from these welsh shores. Will be thinking of you both this Sunday too.

  16. Look at that baby face, Paula! You're an inspiration to us all and as courageous as they come!

    Sending you and your family strength and love.

  17. Babies are such blessings. Even though they are "ours", it is comforting to know they are God's children too and that even though we are not sufficient sometimes, God has His hands on them at all times, good or bad. I'm still praying for you Paula, your husband and your family. I hope you do find comfort in the story you are able to share. No matter when we lose our babies, either as unborn or as adults, it hurts. God's comfort is great! He'll give you the peace you ask Him for. Delight daily in the beautiful spirit your son is made of because that's the spirit you will meet again. You are so sweet to share your life so personally. Hugs for you!



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