Monday, December 20, 2010


Christmas is going to be very different this year.  I have admittedly been very nostalgic.  I'm sure there are many more photos packed away in shoe boxes that I just haven't gone through yet, but here are some Christmas photos we scanned in before Jonathan's Memorial.  The first three are so precious to me because I was a single mom back then and many of the toys and clothes under the tree were actually hand-me-downs donated from families.  But look how happy Jennifer and Jonathan were.  I'm almost sure this was the Christmas that someone brought a used doll for Jennifer that pooped it's diaper when you fed it food.  It didn't take me long to figure out why they were so eager to pass it down to us.  The doll ate real baby food that turned rancid inside the doll.  Ah yes, wonderful memories.

This next photo was taken on Christmas eve while visiting our friends in Pittsburgh.  The kids were so excited and didn't want to miss a thing, esp Santa.  Isn't this so precious?  Jennifer still gets that glazed look just before bedtime.

And I'm particularly fond of this beauty.... me decorating Jonathan.  Yes, we were an odd family.

Here we are dressed in our holiday garb and me practicing a kinder and gentler choke hold, which came in mighty handy during those teenage years.

Not the best picture, but one of the last Christmases with Jonathan.

 My heart aches, but I have so much to be thankful for.  We had some great times of love and laughter and fond memories.  I've been remembering the time we heard a big crash and raced in to find the Christmas tree over on it's side and Jonathan as white as a sheet on all fours behind where the Christmas tree had been standing.  He knocked it over while sneaking to see if the gifts tucked behind the tree were for him.  And another time he unwrapped his presents to see what he was getting and not so carefully re-wrapped them.  If that wasn't bad enough he then commented on the gloves Jennifer got him before he opened her gift.  And how about the time he "accidentally" sucked all the water out of the tree base with the vacuum hose? 

Once the Pee Wee Herman Show told the kids to get some pots and pans and go wake up your parents on Saturday morning, but we were already awake so Jon decided to wake Jennifer instead.  We had to peel her from the ceiling. 

I had my fair share of mischievous behaviour.  When Jon was a teenager I had a friend spending Saturday night and we had to sit on the floor because Jon fell asleep across the sofa and refused to go up to bed.  So I painted his nails red.  Next morning he hopped in the shower at the last minute before church and we all heard a scream.  Running late he had to keep his hands in his pockets all through church.

We need those playful, fun memories.  Otherwise the difficult times would be too unbearable.  So this Christmas I'll be making some new memories with our grandchildren.  Maybe I'll go buy me some bright red nail polish. 

Have a wonderful holiday filled with all that matters most...each other!


  1. I'm laughing with tears about the nail polish. It's so funny! I was thinking about you today and how hard this Christmas will be. I'm so glad you've got these beautiful pictures (the thumb sucking one is precious) and such fun memories. I like your idea of getting some red nail polish to honor Jonathan (I get the impression it's something he would approve of).

  2. i love the pic where chris is decorated. too fun.

    keep these memories close to your heart. they are truly what life is made of.

    you are on my prayer list this season as i know it will a difficult one for you and your family.


  3. Those are wonderful memories to have and hold close. I hope that this Christmas is filled with special new memories with those grandbabies!
    Merry Christmas and love to you!

  4. I miss you, Ms. Paula! Your stories always crack me up. I hope you and your sweet family will have a wonderful Christmas and I'm so glad you have all these wonderful memories of Jonathan to help you through the sad times. xoxo


  5. I'm sure this time of year is especially hard, but lots of us in blogland are thinking of you. All I can say is big hugs to you!

  6. I've been reading you forever (I love your sense of humor) but very rarely comment. Right now I'm in awe of your ability to handle a situation that no one should ever have to go through. Last year at this time a childhood friend of my now 27 year old son disappeared. He had drowned and wasn't discovered until the following March, and I think of him and his family often. Your son deserves to be remembered and by sharing family pictures with those of us who didn't know him, you're doing just that!

  7. My dear Paula.....I am just reading of your tragedy and I am full of sadness and tears for you! I have a son that is 19 and just beginning his battle with addiction! I am so very sorry for the loss of your beautiful boy. Thank you for sharing your memories of your son. He lives forever in you.

  8. Thank you so much for sharing these beautiful and hilarious Christmas memories. I hope you have a peaceful and blessed Christmas.

  9. Aren't memories our most precious gifts when a loved one is gone? Your post was beautiful and funny. I continue to think about you daily and hope and pray you will continue to remember those wonderful and fun memories. My prayer for you is continued healing, for peace of mind,and comfort. Get the polish Paula, it's a great idea. Merry Christmas to you and your family.

  10. I love all the memories & photos Paula...beautiful entry and you made me giggle!!

    I will have to remember the nail polish idea for Kyle! shhh...

    You have been in my thoughts and prayers.. I will give you a call next week with things slow down a bit...

    Love to you and your family at this difficult passing,


  11. Paula,
    I just found your blog while searching for fabric online. Your fabrics are so beautiful - can't wait to get my hands on some!
    I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your son and can't even imagine...
    I hope 2011 brings you peace.

  12. Love the memories. I just finish reading CHOOSE TO SEE MB Chapman book and One Perfect Day Glad your on the road to healing my GOD Bless your family this year!

  13. i found your blog thru a blog of a blog and i wish that i could remember to give credit. however,i love your fabric styles! also, i wanted to send condolences regarding your son. i cant even imagine how your heart aches. my sister passed away this sept. and it has been an awful few months....warm thoughts and blessings sent your way! xo

  14. I just found out today about Jon from a friend he and I used to work with in Bloomington. I had no idea Jon and I were both living in Portland until a couple of weeks ago. I was excited to find this out as we somehow have non-Indiana mutual friends here, and I was stoked to hang out with him again. So, it is needless to say that I am stunned to find out about this. I am sorry for your loss. This reminds me to not lose touch with those who have influenced you in some way. If it weren't for Jon I wouldn't have opened my ears to new forms of music...even if it sometimes drive me insane at work. I don't know you, but best wishes to you and your family.

  15. Lex, I don't know how to get in touch with you, so if you read this will you email me?



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