CHRISTMAS MEMORIES

Christmas is going to be very different this year.  I have admittedly been very nostalgic.  I'm sure there are many more photos packed away in shoe boxes that I just haven't gone through yet, but here are some Christmas photos we scanned in before Jonathan's Memorial.  The first three are so precious to me because I was a single mom back then and many of the toys and clothes under the tree were actually hand-me-downs donated from families.  But look how happy Jennifer and Jonathan were.  I'm almost sure this was the Christmas that someone brought a used doll for Jennifer that pooped it's diaper when you fed it food.  It didn't take me long to figure out why they were so eager to pass it down to us.  The doll ate real baby food that turned rancid inside the doll.  Ah yes, wonderful memories.

This next photo was taken on Christmas eve while visiting our friends in Pittsburgh.  The kids were so excited and didn't want to miss a thing, esp Santa.  Isn't this so precious?  Jennifer still gets that glazed look just before bedtime.

And I'm particularly fond of this beauty.... me decorating Jonathan.  Yes, we were an odd family.

Here we are dressed in our holiday garb and me practicing a kinder and gentler choke hold, which came in mighty handy during those teenage years.

Not the best picture, but one of the last Christmases with Jonathan.



 My heart aches, but I have so much to be thankful for.  We had some great times of love and laughter and fond memories.  I've been remembering the time we heard a big crash and raced in to find the Christmas tree over on it's side and Jonathan as white as a sheet on all fours behind where the Christmas tree had been standing.  He knocked it over while sneaking to see if the gifts tucked behind the tree were for him.  And another time he unwrapped his presents to see what he was getting and not so carefully re-wrapped them.  If that wasn't bad enough he then commented on the gloves Jennifer got him before he opened her gift.  And how about the time he "accidentally" sucked all the water out of the tree base with the vacuum hose? 

Once the Pee Wee Herman Show told the kids to get some pots and pans and go wake up your parents on Saturday morning, but we were already awake so Jon decided to wake Jennifer instead.  We had to peel her from the ceiling. 

I had my fair share of mischievous behaviour.  When Jon was a teenager I had a friend spending Saturday night and we had to sit on the floor because Jon fell asleep across the sofa and refused to go up to bed.  So I painted his nails red.  Next morning he hopped in the shower at the last minute before church and we all heard a scream.  Running late he had to keep his hands in his pockets all through church.

We need those playful, fun memories.  Otherwise the difficult times would be too unbearable.  So this Christmas I'll be making some new memories with our grandchildren.  Maybe I'll go buy me some bright red nail polish. 

Have a wonderful holiday filled with all that matters most...each other!

INTRODUCING THE PAULA PRASS COLLECTION

I try almost daily to write a post to all of you who have sent me such incredible love this last month.  But the right words just escape me.  I sit with a blank stare, then eventually give up.  I try to figure how I can possibly transition from that knock at the door to the awesome things that were just about to be unveiled in my creative world.  You have been so awesome to share that doing life is not always pretty or easy for you either.  But we try our best to find the beauty where ever we can, because that's what we do, right?

Thank you for asking how I'm doing; much better, I think.  Well I'm not running into walls so much anymore.  Seriously; not strange or unfamiliar walls, but the walls in my own house that haven't moved for the last twelve years.  Then it was such a relief to be able to get through the memorial for Jonathan.  I was so extremely focused on the details of that memorial and Tim, Jennifer and I getting through it still standing, that I actually felt a bit of short-lived euphoria.  However, Thanksgiving was only a few days later and no longer were we cleaning up from that dinner that the Christmas season officially began.  I forced myself to put up the tree.  It took two days.  I still have the ornaments that Jonathan made as a child, then I find myself rolled up in a fetal position.  So many memories during the holidays feels like salt poured on a fresh wound.  Anyone that's been through trauma or rehab, etc. knows how magnified those memories become.  But each day is better and while I'm not quite at full speed yet, I am finding much comfort in getting back to being creative again.  

So, speaking of being creative....did I tell you I designed a new home decor line for Demdaco that will be available after January 1st?  Here's just a sampling of what to expect:  

  

There's lots more picture frames, so we will no longer be making each and every frame right here.  That, I might add, is a HUGE deal! It has been such a delight to work with Demdaco and can't wait for you to see the entire collection.  If you know of any stores in your area that you know NEEDS to carry my line, just send a note and I'll see what we can do to make that happen.  And can you believe, I'm already at work on the 2012 designs for Demdaco and I am VERY excited about that next direction.

Oh, and did you notice I finally changed my blog header?  About time you say?  I do have more exciting things to share with you soon, my dear friends.  Thanks for sticking with me and coming back to see what I'm up to. 

JON'S MEMORIAL

If you had told me just a few days ago that I would be speaking at my son's memorial service I would have said it was impossible.  Your prayers changed all that.  Tim and I were able to do the eulogy and Jennifer got brave and spoke beautifully, as well.  I have much to tell you, but right now here is a video that Tim and I put together for the memorial.  Just a glimpse of my boy...

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU .....................

I have been trying for days to thank you all for the hundreds of personal emails, cards, and messages on my blog, Facebook and Twitter. When I posted about our tragedy I had no idea of the impact it would have on so many around the world. Yes, around the world! How this happened I’m still not sure, but I think cyberspace had some part in the speed the news traveled and multiplied. We have been so comforted, not only by your love and prayers, but by the fact that many of you reached out in your own pain. I now believe there is hardly anyone that is not directly affected by addiction. Doesn’t the word addiction seem like such a mild word compared to the torment, torture and suffering that it produces? I told a new “friend” that it’s like I was inducted into a club that I did not want to be in, but was sure glad I wasn’t the only member.

I apologize if I sent you a Facebook invite to Jon’s memorial. I’ve warned you many a time that I’m not the sharpest tack with my computer capabilities. Actually I’ve never done most things I’m doing these last several days. But for any of you not following me or Jennifer on Facebook there is a memorial service for Jonathan as follows:

We would like to invite you as we honor and celebrate the life of our son, our brother and our friend Jon.

Saturday, November 20 · 11:00am - 2:00pm at
 Grace Community Church in Noblesville, IN 
5504 East 146th Street
Noblesville, IN

11:00-12:00 Memorial Service
12:00-2:00 Friends and Family Gathering
light hors d'oeuvres
 In lieu of flowers, the family asks that donations be made in honor of Jon to Central City Concern. Tax deductible donations may be made via mail or online.

Central City Concern
232 NW 6th Ave
Portland, OR 97209
http://www.centralcityconcern.org/
Tax ID #93-0728816

I do want to share some miracle slides that we just unearthed in the bottom of a box. Even though I was married when I had Jonathan, I was truly a single mom with no family. But I had friends and lots of them. Someone came to the hospital when Jonathan was born and took slides through the window as they were cleaning him up and came back a couple more times at the hospital, then gave them to me. I never had a way to view them. Tim went out and bought this handy dandy film scanner the other night that instantly turns a slide into a digital image. How interesting that at Jon’s death I finally am viewing his birth? For that I am truly thankful. He was pretty darn cute once he got cleaned up (I think I probably expressed those same sentiments to him at various phases of his life).

Lord help me!

Jonathan also had some amazing friends out in Portland who loved him well as they all tried to stay clean and sober together. Many of them have reached out to me and we are now bonded through our loss. They had a memorial for him this last Sunday and are sending me photos and letters and words of their own journey through addiction and their love for my boy.

Thank you again for your love and concern, your words of encouragement and virtual hugs. Please say an extra prayer for Tim and me to have strength on Saturday as we have decided to give the eulogy. Much love back to you!

JONATHAN, WE MISS YOU

Warning: this is not a lighthearted post.



JONATHAN AND ME   BETTER TIMES 2001

 Startled, I sat straight up in bed. Did I just hear strong knocks on the front door? My heart started pounding. It’s not the first time, so the memories of those past late night knocks and phone calls were quickly flooding my scared mind. Our 16 year old dog is now so hard of hearing that he couldn't confirm anything. By some miracle, Tim, who has been gone almost non-stop on business for months was actually asleep beside me. I hoped what my gut and heart were telling me wasn’t true, but deep inside I knew. I glanced at the clock on Tim’s side: 1:33 a.m. I touched Tim and told him I think someone is at the door. From past experience we both moved quickly. We each looked out different windows to down below. From my angle I saw a car with the headlights on in front of the driveway and Tim saw at least one person on the front porch. They knocked again just as the phone rang. Tim headed for the stairs and as I reached for the phone I saw it was the police department. “Is this the Prass residence? There are officers at your door and you need to let them in”. I knew. I clutched my chest to keep my heart from leaping out as I tried to make it down the stairs. As I was heading down, afraid I would collapse, I heard the officers asking, "Are you Tim Prass?" “Are you the father of Jonathan David Prass?” My poor Tim, he was weak in the knees and I needed to get to him. “Do you have any medical conditions we need to be aware of?” “Is there anyone we should call?” STOP SAYING THAT. “We need to come inside and let’s sit down”. I finally made it to level ground without collapsing and we all headed towards the family room. Tim’s knees were not supporting him sufficiently and I was clutching my chest still trying to prevent my pounding heart from escaping. We finally reached the sofa. One officer got on bended knee and as politely and respectfully as possible said what we didn’t want to hear: Our son Jonathan was found dead in Portland, OR of an apparent overdose. He had been dead for some time.

Breathe. I kept telling myself to breathe. I was just hearing the worst words that I thought I had already prepared myself for, but my mind was jumping to other things. Like I wondered how old these two officers were…I bet Jonathan’s age. I thought about my mismatched nightwear. When I grabbed my favorite pajama pants out of the drawer I realized the matching top was in the dirty clothes. Tired and thinking, “Who cares” I grabbed an extremely old t-shirt that I’d never throw away. I quick glanced down at myself and wondered what they thought of my mismatched attire and if through my clenched hands they could see the worn words World’s Greatest Mom. Isn’t it amazing that Tim was here in town instead of in San Diego. I had to force myself to stay focused on what I didn’t want to hear. I thought what a tough job these officers have and Tim thought it too, because as they were leaving Tim was thanking them for all they do.

It still feels like it’s Friday….just a very long day that won’t end. I know I’m breathing now because I can hear my sobbing. It comes in waves. Tim said it’s like the flu. You think you’re starting to feel better when suddenly your body revolts again.


JENNIFER AND JONATHAN   SPRING 2001

While many of you know our Jennifer, only the people closest to us or who have known us a long time know much about our other child Jonathan or of his constant and intense battle with addiction. It wasn’t that we were embarrassed that he was our son (even though his behavior and choices were often quite embarrassing). It’s just that he stayed in Portland and we didn’t always know the Portland Jon. Frankly, we fervently hoped for the day he could beat this, which appeared to be closer than ever, and we could shout it from the rooftops together with him. I’ve told him that three months sobriety was equal to a college degree in my eyes. The things we rejoiced in looked way different in our little family. Knowing he wasn’t sleeping on the street was a good day for us. Hearing he was still alive after another severe beating brought us to our knees one more time. I haven’t been able to say it outloud or even bear to think it because it’s not the outcome I wanted for my boy, but I hope I will soon be able to rejoice that his suffering is over. He put up a really good fight. I was amazed at his strength, that he was able to pull himself up by his boot straps each day and give it one more try.

We are finalizing plans for a memorial here in Indianapolis and I hope to have that information soon.  His friends in Portland are having theirs on the 14th.  We all need to share how Jon made us laugh and how much we will miss him. 

When we are too weak to pray, your prayers and kind messages are the strength we need to put one step in front of another. One of my Facebook friends grew up in Nashville with my kids and sent me this note.  I thought of all my fabric friends:

I pray that the strength that has sustained you these many years comes to wrap you up like a big quilt and carry you until you are strong again.


MAKING ME LAUGH

SHOW + TELL BATHROOM SINK MAKEOVER



BEFORE

Remember this hideous bathroom I reluctantly shared with you a few months ago here?  I inherited 4 such bathrooms (2 full, 2 half baths) when we purchased a fixer-upper a few years ago.   We have tackled a room at a time, and it was high-time we tackled this one to the ground. My goal was to transform this guest bath using readily available items and use more elbow grease than money. 
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Even though this is the guest bath, it's primarily Tim's bathroom.  He is so into demolitions that we barely had the conversation and I found him up there ripping out the classic country plaid wallpaper.  I grabbed a piece out of the trash and rehung those wicker mirrors to try to show you the before.
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Tim wanted vessel sinks, and since new cabinetry is too tall for vessels, we used the original cabinet base and Tim custom made new doors and drawers which I painted a rich, dark cappuccino.  The glass vessel sinks, faucets, carrera marble and glass tiles for the backsplash and handles are from Lowe's.  The countertop is honed cultured marble we custom ordered from Home Depot.  The mirror is from World Market. Towel bar and towels are from Home Goods.  Behr paint is a wonderful soft aqua/green to match the vessel sinks.  I wish you could see the wall's true color but my camera keeps washing it out.  Voila.
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(And, no I didn't attach my name to the wall.  I usually forget to add my mark on my photos and then find them elsewhere on the web without mentioniing the source).  


AFTER

 We are so pleased with the results.  Like proud new parents we find ourselves peeking in on our new pride and joy.  However, while the dust was still settling I found my Mini MacGyver tearing out the country blue wallpaper in the master bath and ripping out the cabinetry.  Zero "before" pictures this time folks!!!!  He's too fast for me.  Oh, and while he was waiting for the new sinktop we ordered to arrive he ripped out the powder room floor and toilot and layed new tile.  I clearly gotta keep my eye on this guy.  He's a human wrecking ball.  The amazing thing is he does all this when he's home on the weekends.

That's all I can talk about today.  I do have so much to tell you...some very big happenings which will have to wait for another day. 

QUILTS 4 QUADS DELIVERED

My friend and creative cohort Lisa and I delivered the quilts.  We were able to catch 3 out of the 4 little ones and their mom actually awake.  That's pretty good odds, huh?  Just wanted to share their reactions with you:


I'm just drooling over this!

These are so my colors!

 

Amazed doesn't even describe how I feel.

 I have been so busy this week that I wondered where all the Halloween candy went to, then realized I ate it!  I have so much to tell you and hopefully that will happen next week.  In the meantime, have a frightfully delightful Halloween weekend.

GIVE ME A BREAK: TAKE TWO

Quite by accident I discovered yesterday that only half of the original post I worked on was actually published.  I started growling.  My dog cocked his head, raised his ears and totally agreed with my growl that there was something seriously wrong in Blogland.  My guess is that a refresh didn't refresh, but can't say anymore about it without additional growling.  Instead, I will try to reconstruct. GGRRRR.

*NOTE:  As I was getting ready to post this redo I noticed my post was not being saved.  I kept clicking SAVE NOW and it wouldn't save.   Oh, many more growls later and I was able to copy and paste and start a new post.  I bet that's what happened yesterday, huh? 

 I left off with the lovely CRAFT HOPE book/blog and Manda McGrory's contribution to the book.  Her patchwork pillow was especially appealing to me since you know of my personal fondness of contemporary patchwork.  This book is a keeper and a jumping off point for others wanting to use their creativity to help others. 


Manda McGrory's Patchwork Pillow in Craft Hope

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Have you seen Delish magazine yet?  No?  Well then, you are definitely in for a treat.  Delish is a new, free online publication for women.  The quality and quantity are top-notch.  Just sayin.  And, ah-hem, I am honored to be featured in an article in their Fall edition called Woman of the Cloth (giggle snort).  Now I will admit that I am hyper-critical of myself.  I cringe when I read what I said and how I said it in print for all eternity.  So as you read this I just ask for you to extend more grace than I extend to myself.  I want to blame it on a coffee overdose, but truth is, anyone who knows me would never fall for that that.  For goodness sake, I said I liked Anna Maria Horner's artsy fartsy side.  WHAT?  PA-LEASE.  Anyway, the talented Tamara Komuniecki / Editor-in-Chief did a such a great job and you are welcome to gently critique my ramblings starting on page 40.  Check out the whole magazine..you are going to love it.

GIVE ME A BREAK

CONFESSION: I watch Dr Oz.  Not because I'm a germaphobe or hypocondriac.  But at my age I am just a bit curious about what the heck happened to my body.  Why, in the blink of an eye did my body head south while my mind ended up in LaLa land?  I want answers people!  So while other stay-at-home business owners might listen to music while they work, my days highlights are The Ellen Show and Dr Oz.  So one day Dr Oz says that I just have to have these Crispbread thingies.  I NEVER fall for that malarchy. 

Well almost never.  I ordered, not 1 pkg. but half a case of these babies all the way from Norway.  A few days later I receive a box via UPS.  I think, "Glory to God, I can finally lose weight, become regular and look like a Norwegian hottie in no time".  Why I bet I could become the spokeswoman for this miracle wafer.  I rip open the box, tear into one of the 15 packages containing 10 crackers/wafers/crispbread/manna from heaven; whatever. 

If you have ever wondered what compressed tree bark tastes like, well have I got a deal for you.  Now, they are only 12 calories per slice.  So for the first few days I was carrying a cracker around with my morning coffee, but after a few days I noticed uneaten crackers still sitting around.  Do the math, I've got a 150 of these thingies that I couldn't pay anyone to eat.  I'm a waste not, want not kinda gal.  I bought them.  I'll eat them.  Solution: I slathered them with cream cheese and low sugar orange marmalade and couldn't stop eating those suckers.  Oh, what's that you say?  Something about calories?  Sorry, I can't hear you.....I'm in the bathroom...

Okay, I'm back now.  Along with my other issues I also can't sleep.  I've had this problem my whole life.  I've tried everything.  Well, except maybe regular exercise, but whatever.  So now I just don't let it bother me much.  One night recently I decided to catch up on some blog reading.  I landed on TreeFall Design.  One of my favorite reads by a lovely redheaded Brit, Manda McGrory, who uses words like whilst and mum and makes handmade goodness with a focus on repurposing.  I came across her CRAFT HOPE book giveaway (scroll down to August 24 to see Manda's great review, and she contributed a project for the book).  The next morning I was still thinking about that book.  I don't normally enter blog contests and giveaways, since I didn't think I should.  But I did.  And I won.  Don't hate me. 

So after devouring too many crispbreads, I took a break on my back porch to enjoy this treat.  Jade Sims has gathered some wonderful designers and 32 projects that can be made and donated to specific charities.  Such inspiration.  I was drawn to this book because we belong to an awesome church that is actively involved in loving and empowering the marginalized, both locally and globally.  Crafting for a cause is especially interesting to me. 

QUILTS 4 QUADS COMPLETE

I must say that your comments about my mini quilts have been so heartwarming.  I love that you loved them and that you took the time to tell me so.  Between the comments here, on Twitter and the emails I'm pretty sure I have inspired a few of you.  Just talking about this makes me want to drop what I'm doing and run to the studio.  I already have my next idea and my stacks of scraps are poised and waiting. 

I wanted to take better photos of those Quilts4Quads before we sent them off to their rightful owners.  We had a beautiful weekend here..a perfect Fall day to take some pictures outdoors.  It was a bit difficult to not have the sun dapple onto the quilts, but a little dance here, a little rearranging there and here ya go. 



Closup



Almost 2 years ago I started making several of these squares out of my Flights of Fancy.  I blogged about them here and here and accumulated quite a few.  While it was a fun exercise, they just ended up in the Uncertain Future pile waiting for their assignment.  When the Quilts4Quads idea popped in my head, so did all those squares.  So I made piles of scraps; only one pile lacked pinks for the lone boy in the bunch.  Those squares suddenly had a bright future. 



Carole took the aquas and greens and created her first patchwork quilt.



Lisa whipped up hers using some oranges, pinks and aquas. Sweet.





I put together the last two in pinks/greens and pinks/aquas

We got the help of a couple other talented women that quilted and bound all four in record time.  Lois and Linda, you are angels!

I'm so pleased with the results.  For a bunch of busy ladies with hectic schedules I frankly think it's a miracle that we could pull this off.  Completed projects are so rewarding, aren't they?