COLORS OF LOVE

I got a phonecall from the florist yesterday morning.  They were outside of my house, but could not make it up our iced driveway and would I meet them down at the street.    Easier said than done.  The day before it warmed up just enough to melt the top layer of the ice snow mixture only to refreeze.  I literally could not walk without my arms and legs flailing.  More concerned about me than my driveway, the two delivery gals made another run for it and finally made it up the drive.  As they emerged from their vehicle they immediately joined me in showing off all our non-skating abilities.  We became fast friends, holding hands, even hugging (well, really it was clinging) without any formal introduction.  I think they had the whole shop in the van so it took quite a bit of maneauvering before this huge arrangement surfaced.  There was no way I could make it back to the house holding that garden in a vase.  I made them just sit it down for fear we'd end up on the noon news, "Three concussions over Valentine's Delivery".  I made it back to the house by holding onto the shrubs for dear life.  Then opened the garage door to retry.  I seriously considered putting on my bike helmet.  Got it!  Thanks to my sweet hubby who just happens to be working in sunny, warm California and is missing all the fun.  They warmed my heart.

  



I perhaps owe having become a painter to flowers.  ~Claude Monet

 Speaking of painting flowers, on Sunday I met Jen, Joe and kiddos for lunch, then some playtime at their house.  Wyatt wanted me to paint with him, so we pulled out the supplies.  With only 3 kiddie paintbrushes that looked like they had been used for scrubbing by Amelia, a starter paint kit and a vase of flowers we managed to come up with these quick masterpieces. 

The Flower Vase With Three Birds by Wyatt
The Flower Vase with Crooked Table by Mimi

WINTER BLAST

I am so behind on blogging, as you will see.  I have excuses, but who cares, right?  But I come with some pictures as a peace offering.  My new line of picture frames, pillows and mirrors had their debut at a few Demdaco showrooms.  As much as I wanted to I did not make it to the huge Atlanta showroom, but Tim and I drove to Chicago and visited my new line there.  So, as we were approaching the showroom this is what we saw!  Schweet, huh?



THE PAULA PRASS COLLECTION
 FRONT WINDOW DISPLAY



ANOTHER DISPLAY





LOTS OF PILLOWS



Since I didn't get to the Atlanta showroom I only have a couple pics that were taken from someone's cell phone.  It certainly gives me an idea of what I missed, huh?

THE PAULA PRASS COLLECTION
DEMDACO'S ATLANTA SHOWROOM



I am hoping to redo my website soon (easier said than done these days).  When it's complete I'll be offering these goodies for sale.

The weather seems to be a non-stop source of conversation lately, especially here in the Midwest.  The ice storm put a thick, hard layer of ice over several inches of snow and everything else, which pretty much closed everything down around here.  Then this morning we woke up to snow, snow and more snow over the harsh ice.  I realized that I have only been viewing all this "weather" as added work and inconvenience.  I caught myself doing it again today, then looked out my family room window and this was my view.  How can I be so blind to the beauty all around me?

I love the hints of pinkish coral the sky left on the snow.  It's been grey for so long, I almost missed the added color.

Speaking of all pink and beautiful, I didn't blog much during the holidays but just had to show you how cute my little Miss Amelia was for her holiday dance recital.  I must admit we were all quite pleasantly surprised at how well she did during the performance.  She is just way too busy to constantly pay attention, ya know?  We all glanced at each other like, "What? She's been holding out on us?"  

   

POSING AFTER MAKE-UP

TOTALLY FOCUSED

Afterwards we all went out to celebrate.  The restaurant manager came to the table to chat and commented on Amelia's recital (obvious by the outfit).  He asked how she did and her brother Wyatt piped up and said, "We were startled at how good she did!"  Startled?  Wow, that's our new word and we enjoy using it whenever possible.  Love those kids!!!

While I feel badly that I'm not blogging more often are all very understanding and forgiving.  Your wonderful notes continue to warm my heart.  Thanks xo

LOOKING FORWARD

As I finally stop and reflect on this last year I must admit I am so ready to bid 2010 farewell and am praying with hope and anticipation that this new year will be a much brighter one for me and my family.  I've divided the year into two catagories:

EMBRACING WHAT I CAN'T CHANGE

~ My longtime dream of having my daughter Jennifer and I be in business together came to a sad end when an obscure jewelry company called Stella and Dot swept her off her feet.  While I miss her dearly I well up with pride as I watch Jennifer's great leadership abilities launch her into being a director and founding leader of this incredible company.

~ The two most dominant male figures in my young children's lives when I was a single parent were both diagnosed with serious, life threatening illnesses.  My kids considered them "uncles" and they have been "family" to me for almost 40 years now.  


~ We made several trips to Michigan to start the long, arduous process of moving Tim's mom out of her house of 50+ years and into assisted living as her Altzheimer's progressed.  The adorable home that Tim grew up in is currently on the market :

~ Tim's job had him gone over a third of 2010.  The last four months we anticipated a job relocation and subsequent move and used every spare moment researching how to make the move from the Midwest to San Diego without losing the shirts off our backs.  I flew out there once in September to visit my hubby and search neighborhoods in person.  Otherwise I saw Tim briefly on weekends when he would fly home through the night and usually arrive Saturday morning and leave again Sunday afternoon.  Our short weekends were spent doing repairs and updating with the expectation we would be putting our house on the market.  While we were prepared for a major downsize and move across the country, in the end the offer was just not in our best interest.  On one hand the decision was a letdown, especially for Tim, as he was excited about the job and we both were willing to make the move.  On the other hand we were relieved that the uncertainty was over and Tim moved back just in time for Christmas. 


~ My months of researching and comparing the housing market in Southern California vs. the Midwest made me somewhat of a self-proclaimed expert of sorts.  The huge amount of the homes/condos were either in foreclosure or short sale and price per sf made my job even tougher.  What better way to point out the drastic comparison than with a visual.  Remember I posted about and fondly named this the Keebler Cottage?

During my search I discovered my favorite little cottage was actually for sale!  The 1908 sf home with the tiniest yard in La Jolla (a desirable suburb of San Diego) was priced at $2.3 mil.  At the same time the 25,000 sf La Chateau (Hilbert Mansion) in Carmel IN (a desirable suburb of Indianapolis) sold for $3 mil.

La Chateau Mansion Front



La Chateau Mansion Rear


While I readily admit these are extreme examples and realize the cottage has a nearby ocean.  I am making the point that my own humble abode in the Midwest was looking more appealing even with the snow.

La Prass Mansion

Sadly, our year ended with the loss of our son Jonathan to his long battle with bipolar and addictions.  It is still so raw.  I catch myself wanting to tell him I heard from a friend of his or wanting to ask him about something I read in one of his many journals.  How I wanted a different ending.  

While I didn't have control over what the year brought or how I would have spent it I do feel like I've been stretched spiritually and emotionally to become a stronger, deeper and more compassionate person than I was before.

LOOKING FORWARD TO THE POSSIBILITIES

I already shared some sneaky peeks of my home decor line with Demdaco here which will debut this month at the Atlanta Gift Market, Chicago Merchandise Mart and the Dallas Market Center.  Here's a couple new peeks for you peeps:

I heard the preorders for my home decor line with Demdaco is doing quite well and I am already creating my next collection which will be ready in January 2012.  I'm even more excited about my next collaboration for Demdaco and where I'm creating it for.  Demdaco has been a great to company to work with. 

What I haven't shared yet about 2010 is that I signed a book contract with Wiley Books.  I'm flipping out over writing a how-to book on sewing upscale decor projects for the home. 

So how can I go much further without a humorous story, even if at my own expense, right?  I had the priviledge of having a luncheon date with both my editor and publisher for the book.  I have honestly been regularly distracted the last couple months.  I start into something, but my mind is thinking about something else.  At Thanksgiving I apparently put the cranberry sauce in the Tupperware cabinet instead of the frig, which I didn't discover until, uh, too late.  Many similar stories, but on this day I rushed to get ready for my luncheon and after a lovely meeting I saw Jennifer.  She said something like, "Mom, tell me you didn't meet the Wiley gals with only your white mascara conditioner on"?   I look in the mirror and sure enough my eyelashes were bright white!  I emailed Roxane, my editor who swore she didn't notice.  Told her it's the latest trend and she acted like I really knew what I was talking about.  Here's the only proof, taken by our waitress on my iPhone.  Can you see my bright whites flashing at you?  If not, can you at least tell I was standing on my tippie toes?  Well I was...standing there all short and with bright white eyelashes.  Yup, this is me in the middle.  Incomplete, lacking.  But that's the beauty of it all..... we are all a constant work in progress and I might just be the leader of the pack.    
  

Last but not least, I was able to submit my initial fabric strike-offs for my newest collection with Michael Miller Fabrics called Botanika.  I'll share more once the strike-offs and colors are approved. 

Finally, may I say again just how much you all mean to me?  Your comments and personal emails have kept me connected and hopeful.  I love you all so much for sticking with me this past year.  I hope to make 2011 worth your while!

CHRISTMAS MEMORIES

Christmas is going to be very different this year.  I have admittedly been very nostalgic.  I'm sure there are many more photos packed away in shoe boxes that I just haven't gone through yet, but here are some Christmas photos we scanned in before Jonathan's Memorial.  The first three are so precious to me because I was a single mom back then and many of the toys and clothes under the tree were actually hand-me-downs donated from families.  But look how happy Jennifer and Jonathan were.  I'm almost sure this was the Christmas that someone brought a used doll for Jennifer that pooped it's diaper when you fed it food.  It didn't take me long to figure out why they were so eager to pass it down to us.  The doll ate real baby food that turned rancid inside the doll.  Ah yes, wonderful memories.

This next photo was taken on Christmas eve while visiting our friends in Pittsburgh.  The kids were so excited and didn't want to miss a thing, esp Santa.  Isn't this so precious?  Jennifer still gets that glazed look just before bedtime.

And I'm particularly fond of this beauty.... me decorating Jonathan.  Yes, we were an odd family.

Here we are dressed in our holiday garb and me practicing a kinder and gentler choke hold, which came in mighty handy during those teenage years.

Not the best picture, but one of the last Christmases with Jonathan.



 My heart aches, but I have so much to be thankful for.  We had some great times of love and laughter and fond memories.  I've been remembering the time we heard a big crash and raced in to find the Christmas tree over on it's side and Jonathan as white as a sheet on all fours behind where the Christmas tree had been standing.  He knocked it over while sneaking to see if the gifts tucked behind the tree were for him.  And another time he unwrapped his presents to see what he was getting and not so carefully re-wrapped them.  If that wasn't bad enough he then commented on the gloves Jennifer got him before he opened her gift.  And how about the time he "accidentally" sucked all the water out of the tree base with the vacuum hose? 

Once the Pee Wee Herman Show told the kids to get some pots and pans and go wake up your parents on Saturday morning, but we were already awake so Jon decided to wake Jennifer instead.  We had to peel her from the ceiling. 

I had my fair share of mischievous behaviour.  When Jon was a teenager I had a friend spending Saturday night and we had to sit on the floor because Jon fell asleep across the sofa and refused to go up to bed.  So I painted his nails red.  Next morning he hopped in the shower at the last minute before church and we all heard a scream.  Running late he had to keep his hands in his pockets all through church.

We need those playful, fun memories.  Otherwise the difficult times would be too unbearable.  So this Christmas I'll be making some new memories with our grandchildren.  Maybe I'll go buy me some bright red nail polish. 

Have a wonderful holiday filled with all that matters most...each other!

INTRODUCING THE PAULA PRASS COLLECTION

I try almost daily to write a post to all of you who have sent me such incredible love this last month.  But the right words just escape me.  I sit with a blank stare, then eventually give up.  I try to figure how I can possibly transition from that knock at the door to the awesome things that were just about to be unveiled in my creative world.  You have been so awesome to share that doing life is not always pretty or easy for you either.  But we try our best to find the beauty where ever we can, because that's what we do, right?

Thank you for asking how I'm doing; much better, I think.  Well I'm not running into walls so much anymore.  Seriously; not strange or unfamiliar walls, but the walls in my own house that haven't moved for the last twelve years.  Then it was such a relief to be able to get through the memorial for Jonathan.  I was so extremely focused on the details of that memorial and Tim, Jennifer and I getting through it still standing, that I actually felt a bit of short-lived euphoria.  However, Thanksgiving was only a few days later and no longer were we cleaning up from that dinner that the Christmas season officially began.  I forced myself to put up the tree.  It took two days.  I still have the ornaments that Jonathan made as a child, then I find myself rolled up in a fetal position.  So many memories during the holidays feels like salt poured on a fresh wound.  Anyone that's been through trauma or rehab, etc. knows how magnified those memories become.  But each day is better and while I'm not quite at full speed yet, I am finding much comfort in getting back to being creative again.  

So, speaking of being creative....did I tell you I designed a new home decor line for Demdaco that will be available after January 1st?  Here's just a sampling of what to expect:  

  

There's lots more picture frames, so we will no longer be making each and every frame right here.  That, I might add, is a HUGE deal! It has been such a delight to work with Demdaco and can't wait for you to see the entire collection.  If you know of any stores in your area that you know NEEDS to carry my line, just send a note and I'll see what we can do to make that happen.  And can you believe, I'm already at work on the 2012 designs for Demdaco and I am VERY excited about that next direction.

Oh, and did you notice I finally changed my blog header?  About time you say?  I do have more exciting things to share with you soon, my dear friends.  Thanks for sticking with me and coming back to see what I'm up to. 

JON'S MEMORIAL

If you had told me just a few days ago that I would be speaking at my son's memorial service I would have said it was impossible.  Your prayers changed all that.  Tim and I were able to do the eulogy and Jennifer got brave and spoke beautifully, as well.  I have much to tell you, but right now here is a video that Tim and I put together for the memorial.  Just a glimpse of my boy...

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU .....................

I have been trying for days to thank you all for the hundreds of personal emails, cards, and messages on my blog, Facebook and Twitter. When I posted about our tragedy I had no idea of the impact it would have on so many around the world. Yes, around the world! How this happened I’m still not sure, but I think cyberspace had some part in the speed the news traveled and multiplied. We have been so comforted, not only by your love and prayers, but by the fact that many of you reached out in your own pain. I now believe there is hardly anyone that is not directly affected by addiction. Doesn’t the word addiction seem like such a mild word compared to the torment, torture and suffering that it produces? I told a new “friend” that it’s like I was inducted into a club that I did not want to be in, but was sure glad I wasn’t the only member.

I apologize if I sent you a Facebook invite to Jon’s memorial. I’ve warned you many a time that I’m not the sharpest tack with my computer capabilities. Actually I’ve never done most things I’m doing these last several days. But for any of you not following me or Jennifer on Facebook there is a memorial service for Jonathan as follows:

We would like to invite you as we honor and celebrate the life of our son, our brother and our friend Jon.

Saturday, November 20 · 11:00am - 2:00pm at
 Grace Community Church in Noblesville, IN 
5504 East 146th Street
Noblesville, IN

11:00-12:00 Memorial Service
12:00-2:00 Friends and Family Gathering
light hors d'oeuvres
 In lieu of flowers, the family asks that donations be made in honor of Jon to Central City Concern. Tax deductible donations may be made via mail or online.

Central City Concern
232 NW 6th Ave
Portland, OR 97209
http://www.centralcityconcern.org/
Tax ID #93-0728816

I do want to share some miracle slides that we just unearthed in the bottom of a box. Even though I was married when I had Jonathan, I was truly a single mom with no family. But I had friends and lots of them. Someone came to the hospital when Jonathan was born and took slides through the window as they were cleaning him up and came back a couple more times at the hospital, then gave them to me. I never had a way to view them. Tim went out and bought this handy dandy film scanner the other night that instantly turns a slide into a digital image. How interesting that at Jon’s death I finally am viewing his birth? For that I am truly thankful. He was pretty darn cute once he got cleaned up (I think I probably expressed those same sentiments to him at various phases of his life).

Lord help me!

Jonathan also had some amazing friends out in Portland who loved him well as they all tried to stay clean and sober together. Many of them have reached out to me and we are now bonded through our loss. They had a memorial for him this last Sunday and are sending me photos and letters and words of their own journey through addiction and their love for my boy.

Thank you again for your love and concern, your words of encouragement and virtual hugs. Please say an extra prayer for Tim and me to have strength on Saturday as we have decided to give the eulogy. Much love back to you!

JONATHAN, WE MISS YOU

Warning: this is not a lighthearted post.



JONATHAN AND ME   BETTER TIMES 2001

 Startled, I sat straight up in bed. Did I just hear strong knocks on the front door? My heart started pounding. It’s not the first time, so the memories of those past late night knocks and phone calls were quickly flooding my scared mind. Our 16 year old dog is now so hard of hearing that he couldn't confirm anything. By some miracle, Tim, who has been gone almost non-stop on business for months was actually asleep beside me. I hoped what my gut and heart were telling me wasn’t true, but deep inside I knew. I glanced at the clock on Tim’s side: 1:33 a.m. I touched Tim and told him I think someone is at the door. From past experience we both moved quickly. We each looked out different windows to down below. From my angle I saw a car with the headlights on in front of the driveway and Tim saw at least one person on the front porch. They knocked again just as the phone rang. Tim headed for the stairs and as I reached for the phone I saw it was the police department. “Is this the Prass residence? There are officers at your door and you need to let them in”. I knew. I clutched my chest to keep my heart from leaping out as I tried to make it down the stairs. As I was heading down, afraid I would collapse, I heard the officers asking, "Are you Tim Prass?" “Are you the father of Jonathan David Prass?” My poor Tim, he was weak in the knees and I needed to get to him. “Do you have any medical conditions we need to be aware of?” “Is there anyone we should call?” STOP SAYING THAT. “We need to come inside and let’s sit down”. I finally made it to level ground without collapsing and we all headed towards the family room. Tim’s knees were not supporting him sufficiently and I was clutching my chest still trying to prevent my pounding heart from escaping. We finally reached the sofa. One officer got on bended knee and as politely and respectfully as possible said what we didn’t want to hear: Our son Jonathan was found dead in Portland, OR of an apparent overdose. He had been dead for some time.

Breathe. I kept telling myself to breathe. I was just hearing the worst words that I thought I had already prepared myself for, but my mind was jumping to other things. Like I wondered how old these two officers were…I bet Jonathan’s age. I thought about my mismatched nightwear. When I grabbed my favorite pajama pants out of the drawer I realized the matching top was in the dirty clothes. Tired and thinking, “Who cares” I grabbed an extremely old t-shirt that I’d never throw away. I quick glanced down at myself and wondered what they thought of my mismatched attire and if through my clenched hands they could see the worn words World’s Greatest Mom. Isn’t it amazing that Tim was here in town instead of in San Diego. I had to force myself to stay focused on what I didn’t want to hear. I thought what a tough job these officers have and Tim thought it too, because as they were leaving Tim was thanking them for all they do.

It still feels like it’s Friday….just a very long day that won’t end. I know I’m breathing now because I can hear my sobbing. It comes in waves. Tim said it’s like the flu. You think you’re starting to feel better when suddenly your body revolts again.


JENNIFER AND JONATHAN   SPRING 2001

While many of you know our Jennifer, only the people closest to us or who have known us a long time know much about our other child Jonathan or of his constant and intense battle with addiction. It wasn’t that we were embarrassed that he was our son (even though his behavior and choices were often quite embarrassing). It’s just that he stayed in Portland and we didn’t always know the Portland Jon. Frankly, we fervently hoped for the day he could beat this, which appeared to be closer than ever, and we could shout it from the rooftops together with him. I’ve told him that three months sobriety was equal to a college degree in my eyes. The things we rejoiced in looked way different in our little family. Knowing he wasn’t sleeping on the street was a good day for us. Hearing he was still alive after another severe beating brought us to our knees one more time. I haven’t been able to say it outloud or even bear to think it because it’s not the outcome I wanted for my boy, but I hope I will soon be able to rejoice that his suffering is over. He put up a really good fight. I was amazed at his strength, that he was able to pull himself up by his boot straps each day and give it one more try.

We are finalizing plans for a memorial here in Indianapolis and I hope to have that information soon.  His friends in Portland are having theirs on the 14th.  We all need to share how Jon made us laugh and how much we will miss him. 

When we are too weak to pray, your prayers and kind messages are the strength we need to put one step in front of another. One of my Facebook friends grew up in Nashville with my kids and sent me this note.  I thought of all my fabric friends:

I pray that the strength that has sustained you these many years comes to wrap you up like a big quilt and carry you until you are strong again.


MAKING ME LAUGH

SHOW + TELL BATHROOM SINK MAKEOVER



BEFORE

Remember this hideous bathroom I reluctantly shared with you a few months ago here?  I inherited 4 such bathrooms (2 full, 2 half baths) when we purchased a fixer-upper a few years ago.   We have tackled a room at a time, and it was high-time we tackled this one to the ground. My goal was to transform this guest bath using readily available items and use more elbow grease than money. 
. 
Even though this is the guest bath, it's primarily Tim's bathroom.  He is so into demolitions that we barely had the conversation and I found him up there ripping out the classic country plaid wallpaper.  I grabbed a piece out of the trash and rehung those wicker mirrors to try to show you the before.
.
Tim wanted vessel sinks, and since new cabinetry is too tall for vessels, we used the original cabinet base and Tim custom made new doors and drawers which I painted a rich, dark cappuccino.  The glass vessel sinks, faucets, carrera marble and glass tiles for the backsplash and handles are from Lowe's.  The countertop is honed cultured marble we custom ordered from Home Depot.  The mirror is from World Market. Towel bar and towels are from Home Goods.  Behr paint is a wonderful soft aqua/green to match the vessel sinks.  I wish you could see the wall's true color but my camera keeps washing it out.  Voila.
.
(And, no I didn't attach my name to the wall.  I usually forget to add my mark on my photos and then find them elsewhere on the web without mentioniing the source).  


AFTER

 We are so pleased with the results.  Like proud new parents we find ourselves peeking in on our new pride and joy.  However, while the dust was still settling I found my Mini MacGyver tearing out the country blue wallpaper in the master bath and ripping out the cabinetry.  Zero "before" pictures this time folks!!!!  He's too fast for me.  Oh, and while he was waiting for the new sinktop we ordered to arrive he ripped out the powder room floor and toilot and layed new tile.  I clearly gotta keep my eye on this guy.  He's a human wrecking ball.  The amazing thing is he does all this when he's home on the weekends.

That's all I can talk about today.  I do have so much to tell you...some very big happenings which will have to wait for another day. 

QUILTS 4 QUADS DELIVERED

My friend and creative cohort Lisa and I delivered the quilts.  We were able to catch 3 out of the 4 little ones and their mom actually awake.  That's pretty good odds, huh?  Just wanted to share their reactions with you:


I'm just drooling over this!

These are so my colors!

 

Amazed doesn't even describe how I feel.

 I have been so busy this week that I wondered where all the Halloween candy went to, then realized I ate it!  I have so much to tell you and hopefully that will happen next week.  In the meantime, have a frightfully delightful Halloween weekend.